Because I never really am–it only looks like it. I don’t have the big picture. I don’t own the map home. I simply try my best to follow my path and play my part.

I’m getting moved across the street and down the road. To what we call Deep Hole. It’s a sink hole where all the alligators live. And wild pigs. But they’re far, far away. And I don’t have much of a choice. It’s the peak of tourist season, coming up on Spring Breaks and the snowbirds have all migrated down. I could’ve taken the offer from the ranger at Bill Baggs when he called, but that’s long gone now.

“I’ve had a last minute cancelation if you’d like to come down for a month or two,” he’d offered. A state park with a lighthouse, on Biscayne Bay–just outside of Miami.

“Tempting,” as I proceeded to scan my moral code. But even as somewhat unsure as I was about my current park in the middle of February, I didn’t think I could up and leave. Leaving them in the lurch.

How ironic.

I’ll be isolated, but I’ll probably get a lot of writing done. And I learned, again, that all parks are not my park. I’m not going to fit everywhere. And honestly, when I look at this park and feel how it is to be up in that ranger station, I kind of take that as a compliment.

I thrive in certain environments: open and honest communication, appreciation, an attempt to enjoy oneself while doing a job, The feeling that there’s an ease and a flow, with people connecting and being a team. Having a heart. At least most of the time. My last two parks have not been like that. I’m not really sure what I can do to guarantee I’m at a park like that, either. Vet them better? I spent 45 minutes on the phone with the volunteer coordinator for this park. Get stuff in writing? I could, sure, but that’s no guarantee. Take a new offer as a sign of something about to go down and jump ship, integrity be damned? Possibly. At least take a moment to consider the possibility. Keep trusting that all is working out exactly as it should and always with my best interests and ultimate happiness in mind? Absolutely.

This is a part of it. Being on the road and seeing where it takes me.

Still… I really hate living at an alligator pit.

This too shall pass.