Things are changing and it’s time to leave the ranch.  I think back to 2 months ago when I drove here, to the middle of nowhere it seemed, passing all the Christmas lights and parking by a horse barn.  I had arrived.  Across a little wooden bridge and past a pool under bright starlight to a tiki bar and a wood stove.  It was Friday night, December 16, 2016 and over a few beers I began to piece together what it was I thought I wanted.

We talked the ins and outs of gypsy life and the pros and cons of camper styles.  We talked Florida geography and country wide climate.  I felt relaxed and ready and most of all warm -in December.  That alone felt like a big accomplishment.  And it was.  What I had done and what I was about to do was going to be my biggest trick yet.  A week ago I was at the title company, walking out with a nice check and into a car packed with what I hoped was all I would need on this fresh start.  I wasn’t sure if I could pull it off.  And a few weeks into it I was still saying that.  “I’m not sure if I can do it,” to which Karen and Vic both replied, “you are doing it!”  From that Friday night of saying what I wanted, down to a bed that you could get in and out of on each side, “in case I have company,” I’m now sitting on the kind of bed (and I’ve had lovely company) and writing this as I feel the stirring of me getting ready to hitch it up to my truck and drive over that bridge one last time.

I believe this is coming because I haven’t been there much, I’ve been in Tampa staying at Vic’s and that has created a current in the flow of things.  I’m glad I got the glimmer the other day that the only things that could get in the way of my happiness were a lack of gratitude and resistance to whatever is.  I am not the greatest transitioner and yet, I cannot stand still.  It’s a curious paradox.  I’ll get restless and have thoughts that I’m sure set the ball in motion and yet when the change is presented, I resent it.  I want my life to move and grow, I just have a hard time letting go.

So I freaked a little at first.  I got a little fight-or-flight.  I tried to blame.  And then I realized something; that this is what I wanted.  And that whether or not I knew what the next step was, Something did.  And that Something’s only goal is my highest good.  So I tried to trust and tried to sleep.  I woke in the morning worried and had had about enough of it so I prayed, “Jesus, a little help here.”  I fell back asleep and had the most gorgeous dream.  I was in a private plane.  It was sleek and smooth, like something from the future.  I was wowed but also at peace in the fact that I could never miss any of the flights.  I knew it wasn’t my plane, but I had the sense that I could have access to it whenever I wanted.  Next I was on a luxury cruise ship.  I had a huge gorgeous cabin with my own deck.  I woke up feeling so taken care of.  Like this is what it was like to be a child of God.  If my Father was my true father, what kind of life would I have as his child and that I wanted to start living even more in the unfolding of that Grace.  And that what was happening was exactly that.

I ended up in Clearwater that afternoon at Gemini’s and she has an idea for a place I can stay right near her.  I’m thrilled beyond the solution to physical logistics she offers, I’m thrilled because I saw her say it before she even said it.  I’m also thrilled because when I first came to see her a month ago I was talking about wanting to move out of Sarasota and I said that it thought it would come clear to me in the next week where to go next.  I left to go watch the Packer-Cowboys game and as I drove over the causeway with the low afternoon sun blinding me in its reflection off the water and Fitz and the Tantrums blasting “roll up, roll up, roll up, come on get your love”,  it hit me that I wanted to be staying here.  It was that fast.  It was that clear.  Now here we are.  Just where I wanted to be.  May the energy of that sustain me as I go to tow this 4,000 pound pod of mine there.