“I haven’t had anyone to spoil in awhile, I’m kind of looking forward to it.”  When he said that to me, looking back, I guess I first heard it in the monetary sense of the word; which he does.  He indulges my coffee desires, takes me out to dinner and when we get up to leave he dances me in the aisle and when I resist the dip he says, “I got you.”  And I think maybe he does.

But since then I’ve seen spoiling in the broadest sense of the word.

He’s also very giving of his attention – to my words, my feelings, my opinions and he embraces my every little quirk.  He holds me with the delicate balance of wanting to never let me go but also with the freedom to leave and just be me again for a little while.  He’s mushy and gooey and isn’t afraid to baby talk me on the phone in front of his friends but he can easily slip into this deep and low voice that I feel touch me in the center of myself… and lower.

He showers me with his rich characteristics – he’s attentive and affectionate, funny and safe, confident yet humble, soft and strong all at once; I just know he’d catch me, no matter from how high or after how long.   He’s smooth, but not too smooth.  He’s open and cool and warm; sexy smart sweetness.   Charmingly genuine and genuinely charming, I feel adored and entertained whenever I’m with him.  He’s easygoing with a face you trust immediately and a smile that tells you he’s one of those truly happy people; not because of arrangements or accolades but because at their core, they’re Light and they’re just letting it shine.

He supports me not just in what I do but in who I am: “Starfish in the Starbuck’s writing star books” and “It’s your whole aura I’m so jazzed by.”  I swear he looks different every time I see him, like he’s growing and changing into some new and improved version all the time; but then, so am I.  I’ve had a lot of depleting relationships that seem to empty me in the effort and this one nurtures and nourishes me on every level and puts a louder song in my soul.  I’m writing this in a sunbeam in a coffee shop that seems to be playing every cheesy love song ever made from Air Supply to Led Zeppelin and I’m wondering if maybe this is what it’s all led up to and if this is why nothing else worked out.  The culmination of everything I’ve enjoyed in the past and the absence of all I feel ready to do without.

And mmmmm, he’s a generous lover.  Touching and kissing me with such reverence, like someone who understands the intimacy of the invitation; who knows not how long he’ll be able to be here so he savors and makes savory each and every moment.  No touch seems less than planned for optimal pleasure, his movements synchronized to my unspoken desires.  I honestly don’t know how he does it.  Could it be he knows my body better than I do?  He’s exploring places I haven’t been in awhile and others I didn’t even know existed.

I was beginning to wonder if anyone was ever going to be with me the way I really wanted to be with.  I’ve been carrying around this blueprint based on an idea for  something truly amazing and divinely driven and it feels like it’s finally being built.