“This is Rome all over again,” I say to myself (without a reservation before a big holiday weekend).  Or when I was sitting on my backpack in the grass in Melbourne waiting for a friend to call back and hopefully have an open room in the hotel he worked at (even though it was the Australian Open and it was one of the closest to it).  Or when I was broke and hungry in the Amazon.  Or like just a few weeks ago when I was looking for this camper.  Times when it seemed like maybe I had bitten off more than I could chew and I was wondering how it was all going to work out; and then in another moment, it did.  And I stood in awe of God once more.

I just spent a long weekend in Clearwater catching up with friends I knew from Wisconsin and now I’m back at the horse ranch wondering where I’ll go next.  And I really do need to go.  I left Gemini’s place saying, “I think this next week it will become clear” and as I  was driving over the causeway as the sun was sparkling off the water and Fitz and the Tantrums was singing “come on, come on, come on and get your love…” I get happy and dancey as it hits me how much I love and want to be in a place so very near to the water.  I’m not sure how exactly, but after watching the Packers beat the Cowboys in the playoffs, I’m all the more a believer of anything is possible.  I’m just feeling a little overwhelmed at the moment and that leads my brain to second guess the decisions I’ve made.  If I was in a smaller thing, like that van I looked at, then it would be easier, if I had maybe planned ahead a little better, if, if, if,  blah, blah, blah….

But then I remember how this all went down and how it all came to me.  And how I was riding my bike the other day to Dunedin and the traffic was all in my favor and when I bought stuff at the market, wondering how I would get it home, I looked down and saw a piece of twine lying on the ground so I could tie it to the rack on the back.  And I felt so taken care of and so provided for and how that gratitude extended into love for everyone I met.   I think I loved that experience so much I decided to have another.  And another.  And another.  And this experience will lead me to want to have more, as has been the way with me for all my time.  Miracles and grace play through my head like a movie; so many times I’ve felt out of my depth and been carried along.  It’s what I do – it makes me stronger – and I can’t seem to do it any other way.

This was not some rash decision I made.  I thought about and talked about it for a long time.  I researched and weighed and I pro’d and I con’d and then I surrendered, as I eventually do, overwhelmed and unsure of anything besides my heart’s desire.  The what and the why, as Abraham would say, and let the Universe take care of the how, the when, and the where.  This is the tiny home that I wanted and the uncertainty of how I will drive it and where I will drive it is not mine to worry about.

“Let’s just give it to God,” I say to myself.