I wake up and the first thing I do is count on my fingers 11 days.  Friday.  That’s the day I have 2 return the rental. The day b4 Christmas Eve.  That’s what my present will b – my new home.  I’m excited.  I resume my search on Craigslist; texting, scrolling, considering, deleting.

It’s hard 2 explain the garden of feelings that occur in me; sometimes switching by the second.  At the highest point I feel all the swirling that the Universe is orchestrating on my behalf.  I c how everything has arranged 4 this.  I c how so much prepared and trained me.  I know where everything is now because of all the times I’ve packed.  No matter how freaked I get I can recall 2 my mind another time I got through it.  Driving the Vail Pass in a blizzard is a good one.  Up mountains so steep I swore my little Honda would just slide right off.  At other times I feel a deep grief 4 all I’m walking away from.  Not the possessions, I brought the best with me anyway, but the dynamics, the holds, the strings, the seeming misfires and still not fully understood redirections,  and all the things I will not b because I’m being this.  The total awesomeness of following my heart and not letting anything get in the way of that.  Acting instead of complaining and making excuses.  And the free fall feeling of really not knowing and having 2 admit it all the time.  Randy says, “if u don’t know then just don’t do anything.  Enjoy the sunrises and the sunsets and the relationships.”  I have been savoring.  Eager 2 move 4ward, and aware of the ticking of time, while also giving a nod 2 where I am right now.  Further than I was, not yet all the way there.  I’m on the bridge.  In the middle.  Letting go but not yet firmly grasping.  Unsure and asking.  I’m in way too big of a situation with too many options 2 possibly b able 2 figure it out.  I have 2 b shown.

I am seeing more and more that there r no rules, there r no limitations.  Only the ones that I’ve put in place 4 the false sense of security of an identity…and I’m knocking them out as fast as I can.

A big bomb of clarity drops: I always want 2 just drive right over it.  I hate waiting 4 the cement 2 dry.  But it must, or it’s not a good foundation and it won’t support what I’m wanting 2 build on it.  In Your Time, in Your Way.

[I wish I could insert the song Graveyard Whistling by Nothing But Thieves here.  It’s my jam.  This line “Once u know it leaves, it can’t hurt u.  And when u let it leave, it can’t hurt u.”  Go, listen]