I’ve got 11 days in a car rental 2 figure out my next home.  My car was totaled by a cement truck, thus the 11 days in a rental and my house was sold 2 someone who won’t love it near as much as I do, thus the need 2, um, figure out.

I moved in2 it a year ago.  I felt I’d rather live in a dusty work in progress with paint tarps 4 curtains and sleep on an air mattress and get dressed in the garage than live in my apartment.  I also knew that that would set in motion a where-will-I-go-2-next dialogue within myself and with those close 2 me that would turn 2 action at some point.  I remember having tea with a good friend on my sofa after getting settled in, “Sooooo,” she says “you have no idea what u r going 2 do, but u r hoping that it becomes clear by the time the house sells.”  “That’s right,” I say.  “That would give me incredible anxiety I think,” she says.  “The thought of doing anything else gives me incredible anxiety,” I say.  Because I already knew one thing 4 sure, I wanted something different.  I was releasing my hold on this area, and it was releasing its hold on me.  “Not here” was a strong enough stone 4 me 2 step out on.

That was November 30th, last year.

I have spent a year looking at a myriad of possibilities and a variety of contingencies.   I have discussed it with friends and family and strangers alike.  I have prayed, watched 4 signs (I once followed an Airstream trailer in2 a rest area when a Prince song was on the radio and quizzed the startled couple about it hoping 2 peek inside), studied the weather app, listened and entertained others’ lifestyle choices and I have even been open 2 returning 2 my Madtown and “settling down” with someone I deeply loved.  And when the time came, this is the best I could come up with:  I threw the things I cherish the most in my car and put Wisconsin in my rearview mirror.  I’m going 2 just belong 2 the open road 4 awhile.  Ride the wind and c where it leads me as I step out of the comfort of having an address.  It’s been a heck of a year and I’d like 2 throw myself on the current and just.trust.  As I open the Google Map app it pops up “54 minutes to home.”  Silly Google.  We have no home.  “You’re gonna kill Google’s algorithms,” Stride says when I text him that.

2night the current has brought me 2 Nashville.  The City of Music seemed like a good destination.  I liked driving and remembering all that’s led up 2 this as I watched the snow disappear and the outside temperature reading rise the further I went.  I feel a nice mix of courageous and crazy.  I feel very supported.  I feel very strong (most of the time).  I’m mostly excited with waves of fear that hit me like an existential nausea.  Luckily, they usually come in the night when I get up 2 pee and then I just fall back asleep.  Best of all, I feel that this is what I’m supposed 2 B doing and that I’ve wanted 2 do it 4 awhile now.  I just needed an impetus.