I was having dinner at my friends’ Luke and Sara’s house tonight.  Sara and I made soup and talked about relationships – we’ve been doing this for years (the talk, not necessarily the soup) – theories and our own observations and experiences; the latest that we’ve read,  experienced, thought about, and tried.  Families, friends, work, romance, we let it all hang out as we chop, saute, simmer and figure.  And I’m at a place that I’m often at, I’m somewhere in the middle.  Although at the moment I feel more in common with our friend Abby who has recently gone through a break-up so I’m leaning more towards the single side; I have also been on the brink of marrying an Italian, moving to Italy, and having his babies.  I slide along this continuum like it’s a well greased pole.  I try to find a place to land on it but I never really do.  Sara is in a partnership: married with children and I see myself, once again, not.  Not that I would change that, but it gives us different viewpoints; and yet we come to much of the same conclusions.

People really do be how the want to be.  And they tell us how that is all the time.  Behavior justified is behavior maintained.  If someone is defending their position then know that that position is important to them, maybe even more important than you.  I have been in this crazy relationship for years hoping that something will change while the person continues to show me how he will fight to keep it.  It’s been eye opening to observe rather than invest.  It’s much clearer to me know.  We value each characteristic that we have – that’s why we have it.  Don’t try to take someone’s away and also, don’t play.  You can’t win.  Trust when you feel crazy.  Believe it when it feels like too much work.  People that don’t want to get close will find reasons not to.  Maybe this is all obvious, but I’m really coming to it.  I’m an observer rather than an investor now.  It’s much clearer.